(NOTE: A bit of Faith content)

For most of my young life, I believed that other peoples feelings were my responsibility. I had to keep everyone happy and make them like me. If I didn’t, I internally felt a paralyzing fear that I was unable to articulate at that point. Now, thanks to the deep work I have done thus far, I have the words to explain the feeling. It felt like all around me would suddenly go dark and I would be pulled down underwater, swirling and grabbing with no where to hold, and I would barely re-emerge with any air in my lungs. It was terrifying internally. I HAD to keep everyone “happy” and make them like me or else I would drown. It felt SO true.

That was the WHY for me. I HAD to learn new and healthy ways to view relationships, feelings, thoughts and responsibilities or I wasn’t going to be able to grow into the woman I was created to be. I would have been too lost in fear and dysfunction. I would have drowned inside. During those years, which lasted from about birth to somewhere in my mid 20s, I was lost in all those feelings. I played the chess game in my head of who was the most important to keep “happy” during that day and how I was going to do that. It was mostly subconscious. And, it lived in me every single day. Through my graduate school years, and especially the hard year of internship in North Dakota, I finally started to gain traction and understand ideas and truths that I couldn’t or didn’t know previously. And, that has TRANSFORMED my life. I don’t play the chess game in my head anymore…well, maybe around 15% of the time I still do. And, I have learned to understand and regulate my feelings which is a feat of MIRACULOUS proportions. I have continued to work hard to deepen friendships and build lasting and lifelong relationships. I have an honest and human marriage with a man that I was finally healthy enough to choose. I parent often from a place of health and presence. (Granted he’s only 16 months so let’s revisit that statement in about 8 months.) Now hear me though, I AM still human. Selfish. Prideful. Scared. Controlling. Did I mention selfish? However, through that deep work, I have learned to stay often in my full brain and have the awareness and ability to work on those things. I can change things. I can do what is my part to do in order to be active in the healing process. I am different than I was. And, I am SO deeply thankful. I was able to get there through a lot of study, a couple of present healers along the way, and one life changing therapist. Plus, I have a number of deep, soul to soul friends who have loved me along the way. They loved me back then, and they love me now. And, I love them. I really do. We don’t always like each other or understand each other. And, we definiltey don’t always agree. But we LOVE each other. Wow…I want to do more of that. I want to deepen in that. I also have the great privilege of taking that healing and my fuller self into a sacred room and being in that process with others. It is staggering to me at times that I am given the honor and trust to do so.

So, the WHY is this. We are invited to “do our work” because it opens up the space for healing to happen. We learn what is ours for which to be responsible and how to let go of the responsibility of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of others. We understand our stories better and where the healing may need to happen. We work through internal hard parts and through that, are able to press through and let go of old wounds and patterns. We start building new ways of engaging. Our lives, souls, and brains CHANGE. Here is the hardest part though (or at least for me it is)…it takes TIME. I started doing my work in 2003. It is 2019. NOT a short process. The good news though is that you do see small changes all along the way. And they typically don’t feel so small at the time.

This series is my invitation to you to learn about the BASICS of this work and be open to incorporating what you can for the season that you are in. Whatever you have today is enough. You may have more or less tomorrow. Just BE with me and BE where you are today.

Welcome to the Basics of Doing Your Work…

Berrylin