(Note: This post will include faith portions.)
In my work, I have the privilege of walking alongside amazing people. And, they all walk different roads. As we have been processing the current situation of our planet, they have unique concerns and situations. However, there are some foundational components that remain similar. The one that I focus on the most is,
“What do we do with this time?”
A good answer to the, in the long term, I believe, is beginning (or continuing) four practices: 1.) Daily rhythms, 2.) Stillness, 3.) Joy, 4.) Giving and Receiving. I am going to address the last first:
Giving and Receiving.
In this time of so much uncertainty, we need each other in ways that have always been true, but have not possibly felt more true than they do right now. We are all going to feel the effects of this. However, some of us will feel the effects in more dire ways. If you are in a situation where you don’t or won’t continue to have your basic needs met, you might be fearful of not being able to get consistent food, the possibility of your utilities being shut off, not being able to pay your rent, etc. If you are in this situation, I suggest you reach out to any sources of aid. This is the practice of receiving. Breathe deep, steady yourself and make a list of Social workers, churches near you, friends/acquaintances that might be able to help and figure out a wise way to go about getting aid.
I have a client who runs a small business and cannot leave his house right now due to serious health concerns. He and I worked through a way he could be honest on social media about the help he was needing. It was a challenge for him to ask for help in that way. It is vulnerable to let people know you can’t meet your daily needs. However, it also allows people to come alongside and help, which may bless them in ways you can’t even know. I also reminded him that, though he does not have monetary help to give, he does have much to give. This man loves BIG, listens well and holds space for people in really beautiful ways. I encouraged him to call and check on people, listen when he can and provide connection and relationship. He is truly gifted at those things and there are people, I am sure, in his circle that need those things right now. That is the practice of giving.
As you work your way through finding personal ways of getting aid, I am working on finding some formal channels to post about. As soon as I find them, I will post and send you all to all sources of aid that I can find. It can be difficult in general to practice what I am going to write about. However, if you are experiencing deep fear about your basic needs, it makes it more difficult, or sometimes even impossible. If that deep fear has taken over, your brain may be in a trauma response (fight, flight, freeze) and cannot yet get to these practices. Don’t push yourself to be somewhere that you aren’t or can’t be right now. Feel free to read on through these posts and see what does feel possible for you. And, know that I will be posting more about places that you might reach out to for help.
If you are in a situation where you have what you need, this is the time to find needs in your community and see where and how you can give. Identify people in your circles who do this already (this is you Lindsay) and see what they know. Identify trusted organizations that are getting resources to those who need them and see how you can help. Some of that will be monetary gifts (no matter how small), some will be getting groceries for those who can’t leave their houses, and some may be connecting with those in your circles who are more isolated than others. All of this is the practice of giving. And do all of that with humility and joy in your soul. Truly, that is the way to give.
Just a gentle reminder that physical needs are not the only kind of needs. Relational, mental/emotional and spiritual needs are also deeply important during this time. We all need to ask for what we need in these areas as well as offer help to those around us. Reach out to a therapist if you want to start or continue therapy. Pray together through different forms of technology. Ask each other deeper questions, like, “How are you feeling? What are you needing?” Practice listening for how each other are truly doing. Engaging with the souls in our circles, as well as opening up our own in healthy vulnerability…this is all the practice of giving and receiving.
Some of us are better at giving than receiving and others are better at receiving than giving. Whichever way you lean, practice the other. Often the people that are the biggest givers have a lot of difficulty with allowing themselves to receive. If this is you, I want to challenge you to allow yourself to be vulnerable in this way and to receive from safe others. I have many friends who are BIG givers. And, it blesses me deeply when they allow me to give to them, or when they state a boundary that they can’t give at a certain time. It allows to trust the relationship and pour back into them some of the beauty that they poured onto me. During this time, we may also have to ask people in our lives if they have some needs. Or to push ourselves to give in ways that feel hard for us. Those can be scary too. We will have to risk and ask the questions in order to give. Challenge yourself to either give more or to receive more. You will know which is more difficult for you.
Take some time tonight to mediate and/or pray about the challenge here. To give. To receive. To be a part of what can be beautiful about this time. I know you can do it.
Onward…Berrylin